


So Bad It's Good

by sabinelagrande



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, And Not a Single Fuck Was Given This Day, Animalistic, Bad Dragon, Just a Little Bit Furry, M/M, Making Porn, Masturbation, Qunari Kink, Resistance Play, Sex Toys, Sexual Roleplay, amateur porn, dragon kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-21 01:16:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4809359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You really can buy anything on the internet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Bull discovering Bad Dragon had occurred to me, but after I saw [this art](http://cuddlingthecthulhu.tumblr.com/post/127605918145/see-bull-sometimes-dreams-do-come-true-i-am-so), I just had to write it.

It's ultimately Dorian's fault, even though he doesn't know it.

"Fuck," he pants, grinding down on Bull's cock. "Fuck, I missed this."

"You're so tight," Bull says, his teeth clenched. "Didn't get up to much while I was gone?"

"Hah," Dorian says, nothing more than a puff of breath. "I think I got off all of twice."

"I'm surprised," Bull says, wrapping his hands around Dorian's hips and urging him to move. "Thought you'd get out your toy to keep you company."

"Do you know, I actually tried?" Dorian says. "You've ruined me. I spent fifty dollars on that thing and now it's the wrong shape." He puts his arms around Bull's neck. "Nothing satisfies me like your cock."

Bull rolled them over, putting Dorian's legs around his waist. "Then I guess I better give you as much as you can stand."

And for most people that would be all, a statement from the heat of the moment, and indeed, Dorian forgets entirely that he made it.

A few weeks later, he's sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book and distractedly eating lunch. The doorbell rings; he's just about to get up when he hears the door open, followed by Bull speaking to the postman and then shutting the door.

Dorian goes back to his book, but before he can turn a page, Bull comes bounding in, bearing a package.

"It finally came," Bull says, putting the box down on the table.

"What is it?" Dorian asks. "Did you buy more knives from eBay?"

"Not this time," Bull says. He slits open the packaging tape with his thumbnail. "You're gonna love it."

"You have my interest," Dorian says, as Bull digs through the filler and unearths his prize. It takes a moment to unwrap, but finally Bull gets it open, reaching over and planting it in front of Dorian.

Dorian stares for a long moment.

"That's a qunari dildo, isn't it," Dorian says, because he doesn't know quite what else to say.

"Yep," Bull says proudly.

Dorian takes a moment to evaluate his life, up to and including the fact that he recognized the shape immediately, even though the thing is a pink-red ombre in color. But no, Dorian definitely recognizes it- slightly tapered shaft, head more flared than a human's, just like Bull's.

"I thought you might want something a little more appropriate to keep you company while I'm away," Bull says, wrapping his arms around Dorian from behind and leaning down to speak in his ear.

"It's-" Dorian pauses, looking for a tactful way to say 'fucking huge.' "Rather generous, don't you think?"

"I measured before I ordered," Bull says. "It's only half an inch longer than mine."

"That can't be right," Dorian scoffs. "It's enormous."

Bull reaches over, putting his hand around the base of it, and now it looks less intimidating. "Optical illusion." He kisses the side of Dorian's face. "Plus you're just that good, kadan."

Dorian runs a finger along the length of the thing. "It certainly is interesting," he says.

"Oh, I think it'll hold your interest," Bull says. "Plus the bottom is a suction cup, so you could put it on the floor or the wall if you needed your hands free."

Dorian arches an eyebrow at him. "Why would I need my hands free?"

"Maybe if you wanted to take photos or video," Bull suggests. "Make it your own." He lets Dorian go, going back to the package. "But wait, there's more."

"I'm anxious to see what other surprises you have," Dorian says.

Bull digs around in the package again and pulls out a bottle full of milky white liquid, shaking it up and setting it on the table. "Some lube that's supposed to look like come."

"A little disgusting, yet somehow intriguing," Dorian allows.

"And this," Bull says, tearing into another package. What he pulls out is fairly small, textured, and roughly phallic, but it's hollow, with a ring attached to one end.

"You've stumped me," Dorian says.

"It's a dragon cocksheath," Bull explains proudly, putting his fingers into it. "You put it over your cock, put your balls through the ring, and bam, dragon dick."

"I see," Dorian says warily.

"I'm going to put it on," Bull says, putting his hand on the back of Dorian's chair and caging him in, "then I'm going to fuck you-" he leans down, bare inches from Dorian's face- "just like a big, strong, _fiery_ dragon."

Dorian's lip twitches.

Bull sighs, pulling back. "You came so close to keeping a straight face."

"I'm sorry," Dorian says, laughing despite himself. "I just- it's a bit absurd, isn't it?"

"That doesn't mean it's not hot," Bull says, and the way he very slightly pouts is more adorable than it should be.

Dorian stands up, putting his arms around Bull's neck and pulling him down for an apology kiss. "If it's what you want, I'll be a willing participant," Dorian promises. "Who am I in this fantasy, exactly? Am I me? An innocent wanderer in a dragon's path?" He pauses, unsure he wants to offer what he's about to. "Also a dragon?"

Bull growls in approval. "That's hot."

"So no talking, I suppose," Dorian says.

"Think dragony thoughts," Bull says.

"I'm not sure what dragons think about," Dorian replies.

Bull runs his hands down Dorian's back, stopping to grab his ass and drag him closer. "I can tell you what I'll be thinking about," Bull says into his ear.

"You're thinking about it most of the time," Dorian says, kissing him again before he lets go. "Tonight, then."

"Tonight," Bull says, turning Dorian loose. He picks up his various new sexual accouterments, and Dorian resolutely doesn't laugh at how he looks holding it all. "Remember, think dragon."

"I doubt I'll think of much else," Dorian says, but Bull is already leaving.

Well. This is guaranteed to be an adventure, no matter what happens.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Dorian does is research.

This is not a particularly surprising development, as Dorian's first impulse is often to research things. He's not sure whether there's some well-known fantasy dragon behavior and doesn't know how to look, so he looks up actual dragon behavior instead. What he finds is uninteresting, nothing substantially different than your average male-mounts-female-and-leaves story, only louder and sometimes with fire.

The fact that he's disappointed by this hurts Dorian's head.

Of course, there's a slight issue: he and Bull are decidedly not a male and a female, so it's back to the drawing board. Searching for "gay dragons" does not provide him with herpetology facts, though he's not sure he's surprised by the results. A little more digging- carefully this time- and he finds some references to male dragons attacking each other in dominance displays.

Ah. Now that sounds like Bull. It sounds so much like Bull that they have played this game before, Dorian attempting to fight back- and losing, of course, because otherwise what is the point? He doesn't have an interest in besting Bull in bed, not really.

So Bull will growl and toss him about. Dorian can handle that, though it does make him wonder if Bull always thinks about dragons when they do such things. It certainly colors those experiences, if he does.

"You looked up dragons, right?" Bull asks after dinner, in that way he does when he's trying to play it cool and failing.

Dorian almost asks him how he knows, but by this point, he knows Bull knows him. "I did," Dorian tells him. "It was-" He pauses. "Very illuminating."

"Do we need to talk this through?" Bull says seriously.

"I don't think I found anything objectionable," Dorian replies, reaching out and putting his hand over Bull's. "Let's play it by ear, shall we?"

"Just use the watchword if it goes wrong," Bull says, squeezing Dorian's fingers.

"As always, amatus," Dorian says.

Bull pulls his hand away, picking up Dorian's empty plate. "Meet you in the bedroom in fifteen?"

"I'll be ready," Dorian says. "In more ways than one, if you follow me."

Bull grins widely. "Can't wait, kadan."

Dorian heads for the bedroom immediately, picking up the lube from its customary spot and carrying it with him into the bathroom. He strips and prepares himself- mentally as well as physically, as much as one can be prepared for such a thing- walking back into the bedroom when he's done and replacing the lube.

He stands around awkwardly for a few moments, wondering what to do with himself, but the door opens before he can decide. Bull is naked when he comes in, his cock already hard and encased in the dragon sheath, and for the briefest second, Dorian almost laughs at the implausibility of it all. 

Then he sees the look on Bull's face.

Bull looks like he's going to eat Dorian alive, like nothing's going to stop him from getting what he wants. He looks unforgiving and unyielding, a force of nature, completely without mercy. His eyes burn holes in Dorian, trained on him like there's nothing else in the world.

If that's what Bull sees when he thinks about dragons, then Dorian understands the fixation.

Bull telegraphs it before he charges, which Dorian suspects is intentional; Dorian doesn't wait, running forward to meet him halfway. He catches Bull's hands when Bull makes to grab him, grappling with him instead. Bull could break it easily, but he doesn't; Dorian doesn't know whether Bull's pulling his punches so he won't hurt Dorian or just because he wants to feel Dorian's strength. Either way, Dorian gives it his all, planting his heels and pushing against Bull's hands. Bull growls, a low, warning tone that almost makes Dorian quail.

Instead, Dorian tilts his chin up and blows a thin stream of smoke in Bull's face.

It burns his throat a little, but it's completely worth it for Bull's reaction. He looks shocked for a moment, as well as painful aroused, and Dorian actually manages to push him back an inch or two. He almost falls when Bull breaks away, momentum pushing him into the space where Bull isn't. Bull doesn't give him a chance to recover, grabbing him by the waist and lifting him up. Dorian struggles against him, trying to get loose, but Bull's arms are like steel around him, holding him firmly in place.

Bull drops him unceremoniously on the bed, flipping him onto his stomach and climbing in behind him. Dorian writhes underneath him, and Bull bars his back with one big arm, leaving him helpless. Bull bends down over him, his full weight pressing Dorian into the mattress, and growls into his ear, a clear warning to stay where he's put. Dorian, Maker help him, can't stop the moan that escapes him; Bull can be so gentle sometimes, and to have him like this is exhilarating.

Nevertheless, it is a relief when Bull lets up on him, because as hot as it is, it does get hard to breathe. He leaves his arm where it is, and it's more than enough to keep Dorian where he wants him. Bull runs his free hand over the curve of Dorian's ass for a moment before pressing two fingers into him, rocking them in and out, more like he's testing how ready Dorian is than trying to stretch him further.

Dorian comes close to laughing when Bull reaches for the lube; it's decidedly undragony, but it's so much like Bull to worry about Dorian's comfort at a time like this. Dorian hears him flick the bottle open and closed, the wet sound of Bull stroking his own cock. A moment later, Bull is sliding into him, one long thrust; Dorian can definitely feel what he's wearing, the bumps and ridges of it, and it feels deliciously good, extra stimulation right where he wants it.

Bull suddenly lifts his arm from Dorian's back, but Dorian can't even move before Bull catches him again, grabbing Dorian by the shoulders. He uses his grip to pull Dorian onto his cock over and over, pounding into him. Dorian fists his hands in the sheets, unable to do anything but hang on and let Bull take him.

He has no complaints.

It doesn't occur to him until this moment that the sheath is essentially a cock ring; the idea of Bull with even more stamina is both thrilling and a bit worrisome. There's nothing to do but ride it out, so to speak, and Dorian can't imagine doing anything else, anything better than Bull fucking him over and over, until Dorian can hardly even walk.

His orgasm sneaks up on him, and Dorian has to bite his tongue to keep from shouting Bull's name when he comes. Bull growls his approval, biting down on Dorian's shoulder and sucking, the pain only adding to the pleasure. It's a good thing Dorian doesn't feel particularly oversensitive after he comes, because Bull doesn't stop moving, just keeps thrusting into him.

Bull lets him go, but not for long, grabbing his hips and pulling them up for a better angle; Dorian slumps forward, his cheek against the cool surface of the sheets as he lets Bull have him. Bull shows no signs of stopping, and Dorian wonders if Bull can keep on going long enough for Dorian to come again. Given the way Dorian's cock is starting to stir, he suspects the answer may be yes.

Dorian starts to lose track after that, everything swept away by the feeling of Bull inside of him, on top of him, driving in so hard and deep that Dorian can't think about anything else. Before long, he's aching to come; he tries to push back, grind against Bull, but Bull doesn't let him move, just holds him still and makes him take what he's given.

Bull, despite all his strength and despite the ring, is almost about to break; he grabs Dorian's hand, leading it to Dorian's cock, and Dorian takes the hint, stroking himself quickly. Bull is growling above him, a sound that sends shivers down Dorian's spine, and suddenly Dorian's right there, right at his breaking point. He moves his hand a little faster and comes, his back arching, and Bull _roars_ , slamming home and filling Dorian up.

For a long moment, neither of them move. Dorian's not sure he remembers how to, and besides, it's nice here with Bull bent over him, Bull's big hands on his skin. He winces when Bull finally lets him go and pulls out; Dorian collapses onto the bed without Bull holding him up, missing the warmth of Bull's body immediately. Bull is only gone for a moment, cleaning up before he lies down next to Dorian, rubbing soothing circles on the small of Dorian's back.

"Are we still dragons?" Dorian asks, though he suspects it's mostly muffled by the pillow he's faceplanted into.

Bull chuckles. "I think I'm all dragoned out."

"Mmm," Dorian says. "That was a lot of dragoning."

"Yeah it was," Bull says, and Dorian can hear him grinning. "I'm almost surprised you took that much, kadan."

"Never let it be said that a Pavus backed down from a challenge," Dorian says, "though I'm not sure if I'm going to feel like sitting for the next few days."

Bull kisses the back of his neck. "I'll bring you pillows," he says.

"How thoughtful," Dorian replies. He turns his head, looking at Bull, and he's struck by how dopey Bull's smile is, but even more so by how much he wants to keep putting that look on Bull's face. He leans over and kisses Bull, his hand curling around one of Bull's horns.

In the back of his mind, he realizes that Bull's new box of toys is not empty yet, but that is something for another time. Tonight, it's just him and Bull.

Dragons or not.


	3. Chapter 3

Bull travels too much.

This is nothing Dorian didn't know when they met, but back then, it didn't matter to Dorian what Bull's schedule was like. Things are very different now, now that Dorian's happiness is very closely pegged to Bull's. He's grown accustomed to long distance phone calls and text messages, but every time he has to wake up without Bull beside him is painful.

This is particularly true today, because Dorian woke up along with an erection that just wouldn't quit.

He rolls over, looking at the clock; it's slightly too late to go back to bed, if Dorian could even sleep. Better to just get up and go about his day.

Before he can do that, Dorian is struck with an idea.

He throws back the covers and gets up, detouring to use the bathroom before going to the closet; the box of toys Bull received several weeks go is still there, despite the fact that parts of it have migrated into their regular toy box. One thing that has not is the qunari dildo, still sitting in the bag it came in. Dorian picks it up and carries it into the bathroom. He washes it, just to be on the safe side, and after that he spends a long time staring at it, wondering exactly what his plan of attack should be.

While he thinks, he gathers supplies- lube, a washcloth, and most importantly, his cell phone. He carries the lot of them into the bathroom, setting them down on the edge of the bathtub. He picks up the dildo, takes a breath, and rather indelicately slaps it onto the tile just above the edge of the tub. Dorian is relieved when it stays put, even when he tugs on it. It's rather important to the whole operation, and it simply won't do for it to come loose.

Dorian strips quickly, not giving himself time to think about how ridiculous all this truly is. He steps into the bathtub, kneeling on the floor of the tub and picking up the lube. He preps himself quickly, unwilling to draw it out; if he doesn't keep moving, he's going to lose his nerve, and he did not come all this way to chicken out.

There are a number of ways to set up the camera, each more pornographic than the last, but upon consideration, Dorian props it up on the edge of the tub. From that angle, all the camera will see is his face and neck, but Dorian suspects Bull will like that. Bull, the big sap, likes sex face-to-face, and he never seems to take his eyes off Dorian's, studying him intently even as they're fucking.

The side effect of that is that Dorian gets turned on sometimes just thinking about Bull watching him, but right now that's definitely welcomed.

He gets on his hands and knees; it's slightly awkward to position the dildo without being able to see it, but after a few false starts, he manages to get it right. He inches backwards, taking the dildo a little at a time, until he's full. It feels infinitely better than the last time he tried with a toy, and he spares a thought for where his life took such a sharp turn, that he's ruined for everything but qunari.

Bull's fault, every bit of it.

He rocks back and forth on it, getting used to the sensation before he turns on the camera. When it comes on, he realizes he has no idea what to say.

"Good morning, amatus," he says, trying to make it sound planned and alluring instead of the first thing that came to mind. "I miss you. Rather a lot, as it happens."

He leaves off talking for a while; it's really not what they're here for anyway. He braces himself with both arms, slowly fucking himself on the toy. It's not like having Bull here, not by a long shot, but it is undeniably satisfying.

"Mmm," Dorian says, speeding up a little. "I wish this were you. I can't wait until you get home." He shuts his eyes, picturing Bull's face. "I'm going to ride you for hours when you get back."

If he tries, he can almost hear Bull's response, the way he growls his approval when he's turned on. He can just see Bull watching the video; he'd study it with that laser focus he has, examining every minute detail, mining it for information and memorizing it.

Then he'd start it again and jerk off to it, but that's why Dorian's making it for him in the first place.

"Do you want me like this?" Dorian says, a devious smile spreading on his face. "I could tie you up and fuck myself on your cock until you couldn't stand it any longer. You wouldn't be able to do anything except let me pleasure you, for as long as I wished."

Dorian reaches down, wrapping his hand around his cock as he moves his hips faster. "But you're not that passive, are you, amatus?" he asks rhetorically; he doesn't know where he's getting these words from, but at long as they keep coming, it's fine. "You'd rather pin me down and pound me, wouldn't you?" Dorian groans as the dildo hits just the right spot, unable to help himself. "Come home and I'll let you fuck me as hard as you want. I can't wait for you to do it."

Dorian's words run out; he can't concentrate anymore, not when he's so close to the edge. He shuts his eyes again, thinking about Bull, Bull's gaze on him, burning him up. If he were here, Bull never would have lasted this long just watching; he'd have grabbed Dorian by now, pulled him onto his cock, pushing right in where Dorian's already stretched and ready for him.

"Amatus," Dorian pants. "Amatus, I'm close."

Despite being in the throes of passion, a thought occurs to Dorian; he knows exactly how to really rile Bull up. It's an entirely calculated move, but Bull appreciates calculation, and he'll certainly appreciate this.

" _Kadan_ ," Dorian moans, as his orgasm overtakes him. Somehow he manages to open his eyes, staring into the camera, letting Bull see him at his most debased, his most vulnerable. Only the thought of Bull's reaction gives him the strength to do it; with Bull, there's no space to be embarrassed or afraid. Bull doesn't let him get away with it, gives him nothing but more praise and more love when he tries.

"Goodbye, amatus," Dorian says, a long moment later, his voice shaking a bit. "Come home soon."

He reaches out, stopping the recording; his impulse is to slump against the wall and not move for a bit, but he's not exactly in the best position for it. He manages to slide off the dildo and unstick it from the wall, setting his phone far out of the way before he turns on the faucet, wetting the washcloth and cleaning up.

After a quick shower, Dorian picks up his phone again. The video file is there, waiting, but he doesn't open it; funny how he's perfectly content to show it to Bull, but he doesn't know if he could bear to watch it himself. He opens his messaging app, and Dorian does not realize until that very moment that the video is far too large to send as is.

And so that's how Dorian ends up putting homemade porn on Dropbox, something he will deny vehemently if asked.

He sends Bull the link, with all-caps warnings about how it is FOR YOUR EYES ONLY and PRIVATE USE and HEADPHONES MANDATORY. The wait for Bull's response is excruciating, even though objectively it's not very long; ten minutes later, Dorian's phone rings.

"Hello, amatus," Dorian says when he answers, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.

"I can be home in six hours," Bull says.

Dorian laughs. "I take it you liked my gift."

"Shit, kadan," Bull sighs. "I've never seen porn that hot in my whole life."

"Ah, but I know all your buttons," Dorian says.

"That you do," Bull says. "Listen, I can't talk for long. I just wanted to express my gratitude."

"Get home soon," Dorian tells him, "and you can express it properly."

"Oh, believe me, I will," Bull says, with a laugh. "Love you, kadan."

"And as always, I you," Dorian says.

They say their goodbyes and hang up, and Dorian feels the same acute, bittersweet pain he always does when Bull is so far away. At least he has a reminder of Bull, no matter how obscene, and now Bull has a reminder of him.

Dorian is never going to doubt the wisdom of Bull's ridiculous purchases again.

As long as they're sexy, anyway.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] So Bad It's Good](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5281709) by [sallysparrow017](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallysparrow017/pseuds/sallysparrow017)
  * [So Bad It's Good [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5669746) by [Opalsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong), [RsCreighton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RsCreighton/pseuds/RsCreighton)




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